book review: You’re the Only One That I’ve Told: The Stories Behind Abortion, by Dr. Meera Shah

You’re the Only One I’ve Told: The Stories Behind Abortion by Meera Shah
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This excellent and important book, written by Dr. Meera Shah, tells the stories of ordinary people who have made the choice to have an abortion. The stories span a wide variety of pregnancy situations (the pregnancy is the result of consensual sex but was unplanned; the pregnancy was planned but the fetus is not viable or is unlikely to survive after birth; the pregnancy is the result of rape), and the people seeking the abortions are diverse–cis, nonbinary, black, Jewish, Muslim, atheist, married, single, teenagers, middle aged people. In an information-packed and meticulously footnoted introducation, Shah describes what she sees as a practitioner who provides abortion care, and she explains how restrictive abortion laws and societal norms oppress the most marginalized in society and put even more barriers on people whose health outcomes are already adversely affected because of the social determinants of health.

Shah, a physician and abortion provider herself, is an excellent shepherd of these stories and their tellers–she writes with compassion and always centres the voice of the teller. Her writing is passionate, accessible, and engaging. She manages to touch on issues of lawmakers and politicians who traffic in misinformation and unscientific claims; anti-abortion organizations posing as fake health clinics that lie to pregnant people; deeply ingrained misogynist beliefs that promote shame and secrecy around pregnancy and abortion; transphobia that prevents trans men from being able to access dignified contraception, pregnancy, and abortion care.

The book is clearly written in an American context, so the discussions of laws and politics are very specific to the United States. However, the general topics–shame, judgment, lack of access, lack of respect from medical providers and medical systems–resonate even outside US borders. In Canada, where I live, abortion is not illegal, but there are politicians who regularly attempt to “reopen the abortion debate.” Also, access is very dependent on where you live. Just like in the US, black and indigenous people and people of colour, as well as poor people, immigrants and refugees, and those who live outside of urban centres, are all less likely to be able to access an abortion in a safe and timely way. (For more information, see https://www.actioncanadashr.org/news/….)

I highlighted many quotations in this book but I’ll just leave a few of the very best here:

“These stories show that people who have abortions are human beings with varied life experiences, just like everyone else. The decision to have an abortion doesn’t always stem from trauma or turmoil either; sometimes it’s easy and simple. One is not unique because they had an abortion. An abortion does not define someone, it is one event in a person’s life.” (p. 8)

“We live in a society where most desired pregnancies (and those assumed to be desired), especially within the context of white heterosexual marriage, are celebrated, but the common experiences of infertility, unintended pregnancy, miscarriage, and especially abortion, are kept secret.” (p. 9)

“Believe it or not, everyone knows and loves someone who has had an abortion.” (p. 14)

“Politicians who have said that abortion should be ‘safe, legal and rare’ are wrong about it being rare. Saying that abortion should be rare is dangerous and worsens stigma.” (p. 28)

“One of the messaging points the antiabortion movement has held onto is that people regret their abortions. It’s not uncommon to see protesters with signs that read YOU WILL REGRET YOUR ABORTION or I REGRET MY ABORTION. While some people may regret their abortion, the overwhelming majority do not…What I most commonly see is patients expressing situational regret. They regret the circumstances that led to the unintended pregnancy–not the abortion itself. And this is supported by research. The Turnaway Study was able to demonstrate that among the hundreds of women interviewed, almost none of them felt regret about their abortions five years later. There is also evidence to show that people are more certain about their abortion than they are about any other medical procedure they may undergo.” (p. 165)

Thank you to Chicago Review Press for the advance review copy via Edelweiss+ in exchange for an honest review. This review also appears on Goodreads and on the Edelweiss+ site.

You can see all my reviews on Goodreads here.